How Do You React Under Pressure?
Life throws curve balls at us the whole time. There are large ones that really knock us off centre and there are small ones. The small ones are the curve balls which put us off our game on a daily basis and create the idea of the daily grind.
Those endless days where everybody and everything annoy you. A boss whose loading our desk pile high with work. A partner nagging you about something unimportant to you. A chore at home that’s been left to complete for over a week or a fellow road user sitting on the fast lane of a motorway, doing 80km/hr when the speed limit is 120. It’s these curve balls which ultimately turn a potentially good week into an absolute drag. If only we could eliminate them from our lives, then life would be so much easier for us all?! Unfortunately, that’s not how life works. For the most part, we can’t change these irritating events that are part of modern life. If we want a better way of living, or a better outcome, there is only one thing we can change and that is our response to these events. As the famous motivational speaker, Jim Rohn, succinctly phrased it once:
“Event + Response = Outcome”
In this formula, an outcome is a desired result from and experience. It is a goal achieved, a battle won, a conflict resolved. It usually leaves you with a ‘feel good’ feeling. An event is the experience that takes place to produce the outcome. This is the conversation itself or the process to achieving the goal. The response is simply a trained reaction.
A response consciously over-rides our natural (subconscious) wiring. If we can become aware of our natural wiring for events then we can choose another type of response to deliver a different outcome. In time, this response can become a new natural reaction for us. Take some common scenario’s which can be rewritten a million different ways and you’ll begin to see the same threaded reaction by your breath, body and mind.
Scenario #1: I’m going to kill her!
The first curve ball is in a work scenario. You’ve a boss that’s a total ass and you’re not the flavour of the month with her. Today you’re under a little pressure because you have to get out of work on time to run to your best friend’s party. She knows this. Just before it’s time to clock off and run, she comes to your desk and asks you to finish a report for her. It’s going to put you behind schedule by 30 mins.
In that split-second moment, what do you do? How does your breath, body and your mind react?
Scenario #2: How dare they?!
On this occasion, you go to the cupboard to eat your favourite bar of chocolate. The expensive one you bought to treat yourself. The bar you’ve been savouring by nibbling on it for a few weeks. As you open the door and search for the bar the realisation dawns on you that it’s not there. Someone else has scoffed it on you.
In that split-second moment, what do you as you discover this crime? How does your breath, body and your mind react?
Scenario #3: Oops!
This time you made a mistake. You told a little white lie and you’ve been caught out. You put your partners good white shirt into the wash with some colours and now it’s come out pink. You tried to hide it in the bin but your partner found it there when she was tidying up the kitchen. She’s the type of person that explodes at you when she’s mad. This time she’s fuming. You can hear her from the other side of the house. She’s on her way to confront you.
In that split-second moment, what do you do? How does your breath, body and your mind react?
Each of these scenario’s bring up different emotions in the body immediately. Anger, fear and guilt are some common ones. Emotions are expressed by your body through your breath, posture and voice. How you express those emotions is the visible ‘reaction’ by you. This is real-life biology at play. Your biology is built into your DNA ancestrally and in your early formative years. As humans, we are wired to feel ‘negative’ emotions very prominently. The idea is to keep us safe from danger. However, when we react to everything from a place of negativity, we end up withdrawing from the world. Fear, anger, lust, jealousy and gluttony become some of the dominant emotions of our being. We ingrain them into our thoughts, posture, voice and our breath. The more we feel them and let them over-power us then the more afraid we become. We end up experiencing the world as an unsafe place to live.
The great thing for us as human beings is that we can transform these natural reactions into a new response by the body by training our breath, voice, posture and mind. As you train and ingrain new responses into your system, you will find that the once natural ‘negative’ emotional reaction changes over time too. First it dampens or weakens. Then, with enough awareness and training, you may even transform your natural reaction altogether. As we change our breath, voice and posture we simultaneously alter our perceptions of the world. This happens seamlessly because the two parts, body and mind, are interwoven. Then the world becomes an amazing place to live once more.
Traditionally, this style of training was only ever done by the religious orders and monks. From their perspective it is much easier to know God when your vessel (body) is pure and clean (healthy). By removing themselves into isolation and clusters; the novice cleric would dedicate themselves to God by first purifying their body with fasting, exercise and service. Training their mind through scripture and prayer, then listening to spirit in meditation and life. For us men and women of today, we can still attain a degree of that same connection to spirit by taking time to train body and mind gradually. Sure, removing the stress of life by going on a retreat is convenient and easy to do in one sense. But the ultimate test of your response skill is not hiding away in the himalaya’s on a yoga retreat but in the coalface of a modern life, amongst your family, work colleagues, friends and enemies. As I heard it once said: “So you think you are enlightened? Well, try going home and telling your family that!”
In this sense true mastery of emotions, in my opinion, is a default positive attitude to the world combined with the ability to sit with an emotion and choose how you want to respond in light of any and all stressors. When we can do that, I believe we have then become masters of our lives.
Traditionally, this style of training was only ever done by the religious orders and monks. From their perspective it is much easier to know God when your vessel (body) is pure and clean (healthy). By removing themselves into isolation and clusters; the novice cleric would dedicate themselves to God by first purifying their body with fasting, exercise and service. Training their mind through scripture and prayer, then listening to spirit in meditation and life. For us men and women of today, we can still attain a degree of that same connection to spirit by taking time to train body and mind gradually. Sure, removing the stress of life by going on a retreat is convenient and easy to do in one sense. But the ultimate test of your response skill is not hiding away in the himalaya’s on a yoga retreat but in the coalface of a modern life, amongst your family, work colleagues, friends and enemies. As I heard it once said: “So you think you are enlightened? Well, try going home and telling your family that!”
In this sense true mastery of emotions, in my opinion, is a default positive attitude to the world combined with the ability to sit with an emotion and choose how you want to respond in light of any and all stressors. When we can do that, I believe we have then become masters of our lives.
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